Leaving the Death Cult: My Experience Inside Free Birth Society *An insider account of Free Birth Society and its impact on women's lives*

From 2020 to 2023, I served in leadership roles within the Free Birth Society (FBS) and Matriarch Rising Festival (MRF), an organization that purported to empower women through birth autonomy. What is presented as a mission I deeply believed in gradually revealed itself as something far more disturbing. After leaving alongside numerous leaders in late 2023, I've chosen to break my silence about the concerning patterns I witnessed and continue to witness. This account is based solely on my personal experiences and observations during my time with FBS and its leaders, Emilee and Yolanda specifically. I share it now not out of vengeance, but because I believe women deserve transparency about spaces that claim to empower them. This is my Q&A from instagram February 2025:

**Q: What initially drew you to FBS?** I was drawn to FBS through my background in women's communities and radical feminism. The promise of birth autonomy and a supportive sisterhood was incredibly appealing. I believe deeply in women's right to make their own choices about birth, and life, and FBS seemed to offer both philosophical validation and a community of like-minded women. 

**Q: Is it a red flag how quickly you rose to leadership within the organization?** I joined FBS in early 2020 and quickly became part of the leadership in both the paid network and festival. I was met with massive love bombing where Em posted that we were “besties” on her instagram. The organization presented itself as a women's community centered around birth autonomy, but over time, the focus seemed to shift toward grifting their various revenue streams. 

**Q: When did you first notice things that made you uncomfortable?** The first conversation I ever had with Em was questioning why she had such high turnover, especially in leadership. I never even felt fully part of the inner circle (common pattern, where women who are presented to be part of the inner circle on the outside, never know where they truly stand with Em or Yo) because I questioned things and called out what didn't seem right. As a result, I was used as an example, excluded, isolated in weird ways, and mocked behind my back. What she presents online is definitely not what happens in reality - this disconnect became increasingly apparent in every aspect of the organization over time.

**Q: Why does FBS have such a "revolving door" of women in leadership positions?** One of the most troubling patterns I observed was how frequently the inner circle changed. Women who were celebrated one day would suddenly disappear the next. What made this particularly disturbing was how these departures were handled - former inner circle members would simply vanish, their names never mentioned again. When anyone questioned these disappearances, their posts would be deleted within minutes and they would receive messages saying it was "inappropriate to ask and none of their business." This created an environment where everyone walked on eggshells, knowing they could be next. 

**Q: What happened to specific members like Paula and Noniverse who previously lived on Em’'s land?** I can only speak to the pattern I observed across many women who were once in leadership. No one can prove their loyalty enough to the leaders. I've witnessed women get kicked out for everyday things (ways of speaking, taking responsibility, parenting, friendship approaches) that they were previously allowed to do or that the leaders themselves do but then all of a sudden, it is unacceptable. The rules would suddenly change based on the leaders' moods, and previously acceptable behavior would become grounds for expulsion. 

**Q: I notice Em and Yo don't seem to attend births despite positioning themselves as authorities. Is this accurate?** This was one of the contradictions that became increasingly difficult to ignore. Despite charging significant sums for birth education and positioning themselves as authorities, their claimed experience didn't add up. The timeline for how many births they say they've attended, especially in Em's case, simply doesn't make sense. By my observation and conversations with many others, Em has only attended three births in the past five years, maybe seven births in the past 10 years. The pattern of claiming expertise without demonstrable experience extends beyond birth into other offerings, which they charge for but lack the qualifications to fit the price. How can one learn true midwifery skills through a screen online anyway?

 **Q: How did FBS respond when you questioned leadership?** The last time I  expressed doubts about some aspects of the organization's values during a RadFem call, saying "I'm not sure if I'm going to be staying with FBS and doing the calls through that time or not, there's been a lot of shifts and changes within this network and I'm not feeling aligned with it anymore," the response was swift and definitive. I received an email stating: "We will take this as your notice to step away from leading calls effective immediately. We have removed you from the network, cancelled your upcoming calls and membership subscription." This was followed by a reminder about the Non-Disclosure Agreement I had signed and threats about "legal consequences" if I discussed my experiences with anyone. This pattern was consistent across multiple accounts I've heard - after questioning anything, members and so called friends would receive threatening emails removing them from the community and warning them about their NDAs. 

**Q: Why don't more women speak out about their negative experiences with FBS?** The question of why more women don't share their experiences points directly to the control mechanisms in place. Former members face several barriers to speaking out: 

1. Legal intimidation through NDAs and threats of lawsuits 

2. The fear of being publicly disparaged by leadership 

3. The emotional toll of potentially losing a community that once felt like home

4. The shame of having been involved in something they later recognized as harmful 

As one former member put it: "It wasn't that we didn't want to say anything - it was SO bad we didn't want to speak up." Many women have expressed that they're "too afraid to post too much about them publicly, they definitely have a way of coming after women who try to 'defame' them." 

**Q: How were financial expectations structured within FBS?** The financial structure was designed as a pipeline that gradually increased commitment and equated it with loyalty. The more money you are able to make Em, the better friend she will be to you. What started as a $30 monthly membership would quickly escalate to much more expensive programs. The tickets for MRF (Matriarch Rising Festival) jumped from $750 to $2000 with little explanation for the dramatic increase. (and you still have to set up your tent on a HILL!) There was also a troubling pattern regarding compensation for others' work. In one instance, a respected elder in the birth community was paid only $300 for her contribution to a class that generated significant revenue for FBS. Additionally, many women who took the RBK course hoping to get close to Em rather than for practical skills, and graduates often found themselves unable to attract clients while affiliated with the program. I cannot even recommend the free content to anyone because the pipeline and inaccurate information is far too risky.

**Q: What is the relationship between Em and Yo? They seem very different.** While they present themselves as separate publicly, with Yo seemingly less involved, behind the scenes they operate as one unit. As I observed, Em and Yo are one in the same. They just stay out of each other's social medias, but behind the scenes they talk to each other about everything. This outward separation appears to be a deliberate manipulation tactic. As one former member noted, "On the outside, they're able to gaslight people by claiming they don't work together, but on the inside, they don’t send an email without the other one’s approval." Every email that exists in FBS comes from both of them, regardless of whose staff name is on it. 

**Q: Why does it matter if women continue to use the "free" content if they avoid the paid programs?** The free content isn't neutral information - it's designed to normalize problematic dynamics and create dependency on leaders' approval. What begins as empowering validation gradually shifts toward isolation from outside relationships and financial entanglement with leadership. The structure of FBS is deliberately designed as a funnel:

1. Free content with false/lacking information serves as an entry point that identifies potential paying members 

2. This content intentionally creates information gaps that can only be filled by joining the paid membership which currently sits at $500 for the year.

3. As women progress through increasingly expensive programs, they become more financially and emotionally invested.

4. Throughout this journey, they're systematically discouraged from questioning leadership or seeking outside perspectives. 

**Q: What was the most disturbing pattern you witnessed regarding how Em and Yo treated members?** The most disturbing pattern was how quickly adoration could turn to public humiliation. I observed instances where women were torn to shreds on Instagram stories for questioning or disagreeing. What I once viewed as "righteous rage" and found inspiring, I later recognized as a control tactic and narcissistic manipulation. There was also a consistent pattern of gaslighting. When members expressed concerns or questions, they were told these issues were "in their head" or that they were the problem. For example, when I questioned Em about her high turnover in leadership, she told me it was in my head and it was personal and she does have plenty of long-term friends. Any criticism is turned onto the criticizer, “you only see it from that perspective because you are committed to living in lack, it’s your responsibility to come to this relationship in good faith, and the wonky perspective in your head that makes you see it the way you do is just creating drama for me and I reject it”

**Q: How has your perspective on women's communities changed since leaving?** Leaving FBS fundamentally transformed my understanding of what genuine community looks like. Healthy leadership welcomes questions rather than punishing them. I'm still processing many aspects of this experience and working to untangle what was valuable from what was manipulation. Therapy has been essential in helping me recognize how I both witnessed and unknowingly perpetuated harmful dynamics under the banner of "radical responsibility." As one former member put it, "seeing women begin to talk about this is breaking the spell." Many of us have realized the advice and themes we picked up from the organization have not served us well and we are glad to be out of that haze. 

**Q: What would you say to women who remain in FBS despite seeing red flags?** I would say that your instincts matter. If something feels off, it probably is. The fact that many women are questioning but afraid to speak publicly is itself a significant red flag. Remember that true autonomy includes the freedom to question leadership without fear of retribution. As someone who stayed longer than I should have, I understand the complex feelings involved. The meaningful connections you've made with other members are real and can continue outside the organization. Many of us have maintained valuable friendships while leaving behind the harmful dynamics. I hear many women who stay in leadership say that they are there for the cause despite Em, and I want to tell them that their reputations are on the line. FBS is a small, disliked corner of the birth world and there are much healthier organizations to be apart of. 

**Q: What do you believe is the future of FBS given what you know?** Based on the patterns I observed and the increasing number of former members speaking out, I believe the organization's current structure is unsustainable. The constant turnover in leadership positions indicates fundamental problems that cannot be resolved without significant changes to the power dynamics and accountability systems. Organizations built on control rather than genuine empowerment eventually collapse under their own weight. As more women recognize the red flags and share their experiences, the cycle of recruitment becomes harder to maintain. My main goal in writing this is to speak to women who are on the edge, to get the word out there that the marketing is far different than what is being delivered. As someone who got the opposite of what I was being sold, I want to help women from getting themselves into a situation they will regret. I do believe lives are at stake and it is important to spread the word.

**Q: If you could go back and give yourself one piece of advice before joining FBS, what would it be?** I would tell myself to trust my instincts from that very first conversation about the high turnover rate. When someone shows you who they are through their pattern of relationships, and how they talk about past members, believe them. No amount of inspiring content or promises of community can compensate for leadership that cannot maintain healthy, long-term relationships with those closest to them. While I don’t regret my time because of the friendships I have made(that are stronger now that we are all out because we are not under the “what would Em do” spell) I have had to make a lot of amends to women I took part in hurting.  

**Q: What has been the most difficult part of speaking out?** Breaking the silence has come with significant challenges. There's the fear of legal retaliation, the pain of revisiting difficult experiences, and the knowledge that current members may see my words as betrayal rather than truth-telling. I know when I was in it I would be able to defend and justify all of the answers I shared today. However, the most difficult aspect has been coming to terms with my own role in a system that hurt women and babies while claiming to empower them. Reconciling the person I thought I was with the organization I participated in has required deep, often uncomfortable self-reflection. Saying the words “I was in a death cult that lead to the dogmatic narrative that women should rather die, or have their baby die than to get emergency medical treatment” has been hard.

Despite these challenges, I believe speaking out is necessary - not to attack individuals, but to illuminate patterns that can help other women recognize warning signs before becoming deeply enmeshed in potentially dangerous dynamics. I hope that by sharing my experience, others might feel less alone in theirs, and that together, we can create truly empowering spaces where women's autonomy is genuinely respected.  

*Note to readers:

This is NOT about dismantling the Freebirth movement.

Freebirth is **not owned by anyone**, and many women have had beautiful, empowering births outside the system.*

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